Your Life Doesn't End With Lisa
by lovingfanfic818222
Summary: "You're responding to light, we know you're in there, wanna say hi?"A muffled grunt was returned."Good enough... Let's see those arms,"Ianto didn't move so Owen gently picked up Ianto's arm, seeing fresh cuts he sighed and put it back down."Hand me the bag Jack," Jack did so with a quiet sadness and watched as Owen patched Ianto up' Post cyberwoman, Sequels feature Janto
1. Chapter 1

Light seeped in the room only through the tin gap in the curtain. Ianto sat in the depths, a old black tee and joggers hug off his now tiny frame. The scratchy sofa abused his exposed skin, but the feeling somewhat comforted him. He heard the key turn in the lock and two figures walk into the musk. A cough and a splutter and of course a muffled curse. A hoarse voice called his name.

"Ianto?"

Jack. Of course. There was just enough light to make out his concerned face. Ianto refused to talk, as he always was these days. 2 weeks into his suspension and nothing but whispers had been spoken.

"Ianto, you missed your check up call _again,_ brought Owen to check you are still alive... are you?"

He and Owen cautiously approached. Ianto looked up. Tears had run out days ago, so he did nothing. Owen, having turned slightly softer when dealing with the medical side of Ianto nowadays, crouched in front of the younger man's face. At the first few checkups, Owen had been cold, and mean, using these moments to only scold Ianto more, however when the certain dire state of the young man's condition worsened Owen stopped, and thought seriously about how he would have defiantly done the same for Katie. He realised he was only mad at Ianto because he had a chance to save his love, a chance that Owen was not extended. After this, he kept his anger at bay, and released his compassion, hoping it would help as Jack's had helped him.

"Ianto mate, look at me?"

Bloodshot eyes met his pupils completely blown, he shone a light and watched them decrease in size slightly.

"You're responding to light, we know you're in there, wanna say hi?"

A muffled grunt was returned.

"Good enough... Let's see those arms,"

Ianto didn't move so Owen gently picked up Ianto's arm, seeing fresh cuts he sighed and put it back down.

"Hand me the bag Jack,"

Jack did so with a quiet sadness and watched as Owen patched Ianto up.

"When did you do this Ianto?"

Ianto's recently unused voice surprisingly replied straightaway.

"Last night..."

"Why?"

Ianto turned his head and looked Owen dead in the eye.

"Why's you think?"

Owen placed a hand on Ianto's knee and had a extreme mix of care and worry on his face.

"You cannot keep doing this Ianto, if you do it too deep and you accidently kill yourself what would be do?"

"Celebrate?"

Jack's head snapped up ready to disagree, instead Owen put his hand up.

"Jack, go around and remove all of the sharp objects from the flat, knives, scissors, buttons, paper, anything he could use... get rid of it."

Jack nodded somewhat hating how he was less in control here. Owen turned back to Ianto to finish bandaging his arm.

"Is there anything I can d-"

"Sleeping pills."

Ianto replied instantly.

Owen looked questioning.

"For the nightmares."

"You got it... but I bring them over, or Jack does, I'm not leaving you alone with a bottle of strong pills, not in this state."

Ianto closed his eyes, apparently disappointed with a plan being foiled.

Owen caught this look.

"Ianto..."

"What?"

"Please tell me..."

"Tell you what?"

Jack was about to walk into the lounge when he heard their voices talking softly, he stood by the door and listened.

"You haven't tried..."

"To kill myself? No.. not yet,"

"Yet?"

"I plan to, I was tonight but seeing as you have taken everything away from me and not giving me those pills... I can't."

"Why would you want to do that?"

"Tell me you've never thought of it for less,"

Owen stood up and began pacing, watching Ianto's calm form out of the corner of his eye.

"You have so much more to live for,"

"I have nothing to live for! She's gone Owen! Gone! She's never coming back so what's the fucking point!?"

Ianto had stood and now breathe heavy in front of Owen.

"Your life doesn't end with Lisa's,"

"Well what else is there? Torchwood? Fat lot of good Torchwood is! You killed her, Jack killed her, Gwen killed her... Tosh..."

Ianto chocked on Tosh's name and fell back onto the sofa, crying with tears that came out from nowhere. Owen sympathised but let Ianto had this moment alone. Thinking of his own unmanageable grief.

"You will come back in 2 weeks."

"Is that an order second in command?"

"Yes it's a fucking order, Torchwood... it's in your blood Ianto Jones. No escaping it,"

"And that doesn't terrify you?"

"Of course it does, but Torchwood is my home Ianto, and yours too, without it you would have never met Lisa,"

"Without it she would still be alive,"

"You can move on, still love and respect her, miss her, but move on, would she want this? Is the Ianto she will be looking down on and feels pride? No, this is the Ianto she wished she had never dated. You did everything you could for her mate, you really did, but now it's time to let go, and come back home,"

Ianto looked and Owen and the sincerity on his face.

"But... Jack will never be able to trust me again.."

"Never tell him I said this Ianto, but he's mad for you, the second he took part in her death and he saw how broken you are, like himself... he forgave you instantly, he's wise, is our Jack, have a little more faith,"

Owen patted Ianto's back and stood, leaving two small pills on the table.

"Have those tonight, I will drop by tomorrow evening and drop the next two off, goodnight,"

Owen walked to the door and Jack emerged from hiding, moved by the convocation he had just witnessed.

"See you soon Ianto,"

"See you soon, sir,"

"It's Jack,"

Ianto swallowed.

"Goodnight... Jack."

Jack saw him smile just the smallest bit and returned it with a genuine one of his own. Owen and Jack left Ianto alone that night and drove back to the hub. That was day one for Ianto and from then on, things got better.

OoOoOoOOoO

Expect more chapters, but only if you guys want them.


	2. Chapter 2

The dust showed well in the morning light. Ianto smoothed over his tie, wishing he could just have one more day to contemplate death, however Jack had been clear he was to return today. He had shaved his face, put in his contacts and spent an hour in the shower. It was time. Back to routine.

He walked to the kitchen, picked up his phone, keys, wallet and a small lunch he wasn't going to eat. His attire was plain today, a simple black suit with a white shirt, no waistcoat, he wanted to get back into the back ground of Torchwood, he had no place.

The drive was quiet and lonely. He thought about how he would be thinking about Lisa right now, making a plan to help her further, crying because he knew there was nothing. Now there really was nothing. He was done, it was over.

The hub was silent, only he could see Jack and Gwen talking about him in the board room, undoubtedly about him. Picking up a bin liner, he began to clean up, how much mess could 4 adults make in a few short weeks?

And just like that, everything was back to normal. They forgot about Lisa and Ianto as well, he was the silent butler again, taking care of them, watching from afar. The only one to really notice him these days was Tosh, at least that was what he thought. Little did Ianto see the glances Jack constantly shot his way.

One morning, 5 weeks after his return to work, Ianto was in the tourist office, mindlessly completing admin at his desk, when his comm Beeped.

"Ianto, you busy?"

"Just admin sir, why?"

"Come down to the firing range, stat."

There was a click, signally Jack was gone from the line. Ianto stood up and straightened himself up, resuming the facade he took great measures to keep.

As he entered the firing range, Jack was there with guns laid out, waiting for him.

"You need to be able to use these,"

"I can... sir... I learnt at Canary Wharf,"

"Well then, you need a refresh,"

"Why? I work admin sir, with all due respect what is the point of this?"

"We are going on a mission out of house and I want you there, it will require you to be able to shoot straight,"

"Are you implying my shots are off?"

Ianto looked up at Jack through his eye lashes.

"Sir...?"

Jack attempted to with hold a growl and instead laughed a little.

"Just pick up a gun and load it."

Ianto put on his safety gear and did just that, loading it with a practiced ease.

"Now shoot, I want 4 head shots in a row, if you're so darn good, it shouldn't be to hard,"

Ianto smirked and produced exactly what was asked, 4 direct head shots in the fake weevils. He turned to face Jack's shocked face,

"How was that?"

"Impressive, lets see how you do with a little distraction then? Same please,"

Ianto rolled his eyes and took position to shoot when a strong pair of arms wrapped around his hips.

"Sir...?"

"Shoot,"

Ianto shot one, slightly off head, and another, completely on point. It was only when Jack's hand came to grope his ass did Ianto off shoot completely and hit the wall. He heard a tutting behind him and a continued knead of his arse.

"Keep on task Jones,"

Ianto took a deep breath and carried on shooting, desperately urging his body to ignore the man behind him. After he'd emptied his clip he turned to find Jack, lips parted and reeking of pheromones. Jack took the gun from his hands and put it on the table.

Ianto looked into his eyes and wished himself un aroused.

"Those were some excellent shots Ianto,"

"Thank you sir..."

"You weren't lying were you?"

"Never do these days,"

A tense moment hit them. A back handed reference to Lisa and a room full of sexual tension. Their bodies were pressed together now, and Ianto could feel Jack's arousal on him.

"Tell me I'm not reading this situation wrong Ianto,"

Jack put his hands on Ianto's cheeks and stroked the sharp cheekbones.

"You're not..."

"Good,"

Jack leant forward and kissed him, full on the lips. Ianto was hesitant at first but soon wrapped his arms around Jack's neck and kissed back. It lasted for all of about 2 minutes before Ianto pulled back, breathless.

"Ianto, you okay?"

Ianto pulled away from Jack's grip and shuffled back.

"I... I-I should... go..."

"Ianto,"

"I will... pack up-the-the... stuff for the-umm... mission,"

"I haven't told you anything about it..."

Ianto was already about the door and on his way back upstairs, pulling hands through his hair. Jack remained down in the firing range for awhile, grinning.

_Pack the camping gear Jones, and put on something more casual, -Jack_

Ianto looked at his tablet and closed his eyes, cringing. What had he just done?

Half an hour later Jack was lounging with Tosh on the sofa, waiting for Gwen, Owen and Ianto to arrive so they could leave. Gwen and Owen arrived promptly after leaving only the tea boy to meet them.

"Where the bloody hell is he? I told you bringing him would be a bad idea!"

"Shut up Owen,"

Another few moments and they heard footsteps, Jack and Owen stood up ready to leave, but Jack was halted by Tosh's hand and open mouth.

"Jack..."

He turned around and saw Ianto walking up the stairs. He was wearing a tight black T-shirt with a white button down handing open over the top. A pair of tight blue wash jeans and converses. His coat hung in his hand along with a tray of 4 flasks holding coffee.

4 open mouths greeted him.

"Sorry I'm a little late... Had to make coffee and... change... are you guys okay?"

Gwen blushed.

"Yeah love, just so different to see you out of the suit..."

Ianto looked up.

"Bad different?"

4 shaking heads responded.

"Right... take a coffee... let's go then"

18 hours later.

Light seeped into the room, if only between the small opening in the curtains. The scratchy couch yet to be replaced abused Ianto's exposed skin, but it felt good to feel something, anything. 3 people sat in front of Ianto. Tosh sat in an arm chair recently acquired, wearing one of his old jumpers and a pair of old boxers. Jack stood by the wall, frowning at him and Owen was on his knees inspecting Ianto's battered torso.

"Aside from the obvious, broken ribs, bruising, head injury, black eye, vomiting, and the emotional, distressed, head trauma, anxiety, depression, you seem to be okay..."

Ianto looked up through his lashes, somewhat appalled at his current state being described as 'okay'.

"You know what I mean Tea boy, now there are 4 sleeping pills here and assorted pain medication for the 2 of you."

He looked pointedly at Ianto then at Tosh.

"Toshiko, I'm putting you in charge of the medication, Ianto is not trusted with this stuff just yet..."

Owen stood up and walked over to where Jack was leaning.

"We both have our phones on us, I want you both to promise that if wither of you start feeling new pain or start feeling suicidal (cue glare at Ianto, who rolled his eyes), call us,"

Tosh nodded obediently as Ianto turned away refusing to look at anyone. Toshiko got up to say goodbye to them, thanking Owen for his medical help and thanking Jack for the saving of herself and the others in the beacons. He hugged her smiled into her hair, telling her it was okay.

Jack then walked over to Ianto who was now huddled at the far end of the sofa.

"Let's give them a minute,"

Tosh said to Owen, dragging him out into the hallway.

Jack crouched in front of Ianto and put a hand on his knee.

"Ianto, look at me?"

Bloodshot eyes met his and hurt radiated though Jack's body.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that,"

"Me too... I'm sorry I didn't do as well as I should have..."

"What do you mean?"

"I couldn't save her,"

"Ianto,"

Jack placed his hand on Ianto's cheek and thumbed the cheekbone, much like he had done the day before, right as they were about to kiss.

"You got her out of there, gave her a fighting chance to find us, sacrificed yourself for her, You are the real hero,"

"It doesn't feel that way..."

Ianto bowed his head and a few stray tears escaped his eyes, Jack wiped one away with his thumb.

"I want it all to be over Jack, I'm sorry about what I did with Lisa, I'm sorry about today, I'm sorry about yesterday in the firing range, I'm just so... tired..."

Jack placed the other hand on Ianto face now and forced Ianto to look at him. They stared into each other's teary eyes.

"Don't ever think you need to apologise for that Ianto, you weren't ready and I pushed you too hard, yesterday was all my bad. As for Lisa, you were forgiven the second I killed her, you need to forgive yourself now Ianto... Today you did brilliantly, do you want me to stay?"

Ianto shook his head slightly.

"I should be with Tosh,"

Jack nodded in understanding, not hurt by that at all. He stood and carefully pulled Ianto into a hug. He pulled back to look into the younger's eyes.

"And regarding the firing range, when you are ready for that, you come to me, It's in your hands how fast we go now Jones, I promise on your life I will never push you further than you want to go,"

Ianto felt tears building in his eyes again and buried his face in the joint between Jack's neck and shoulder. He breathed deep and cherished the senses awakening him. Jack pulled back and kissed Ianto's head softly. There was no passion, no lust, just care.

"Take tomorrow off Ianto, see you soon,"

Ianto nodded and squeezed Jack's hand. Before he knew it they were gone. Leaving only himself and Tosh in the darks of his apartment. They ordered veggie pizza and watched half of a James bond movie before falling asleep together, snuggling on Ianto's battered couch. Instead of the nightmares Ianto was anticipating, his dreams ran pleasant memories of Lisa, maybe he was finally letting go.

OoOoOooO

Reviews make me super happy! And thank you to everyone who followed, fav'd, reviewed ect. More to come!


	3. Chapter 3

Light seeped into Ianto's bedroom, if only through the small gap in his curtains. He had recently ditched his broken bed and replaced it with a hardwood double complete with bloody red sheets and a memory foam mattress. It was the first good night's sleep he had had in months.

Ever since that first night with Tosh, directly after the cannibals, he had thought that his insomnia was getting better, how wrong could he have been. The memories and nightmares only increased without the comfort and know of another human beside him. His new bed had allowed him to crash for an hour or so if he had had a long day at work, but overall, he was lucky to get that. Which brought him to here.

The week had been a stressful one, endless weevils, attacks on the planet, spillages, retconning, dim alien tourists accidently arriving to their intergalactic holiday 2 centuries early... that kind of thing. So when Friday morning rolled around, he was ready to collapse.

_Beep beep beep beep beep beep..._

Ianto woke with a start, turning off his alarm and sighing back into his bed. His tired eyes adjusted and he saw the time.

_10:58am_

"Shit!"

Ianto got out of bed, still feeling as though he could sleep for 11 hours. How had this happened? It was 3am last time he checked. He had never slept a whole 8 hours uninterrupted. He scrambled for jeans and a T-shirt, knowing he could change into a suit when he got there.

He grabbed a back and stuffed the necessities, Wallet, phone, Lunch to be not eaten, keys, contact lenses to put in later (he would have to drive to work in glasses), stopwatch.

His black square glasses slipped off his nose as he drove to work, cursing himself for sleeping in. His phone beeped and he checked it, not having heard the other clicks before.

_4 missed calls_

_11 unread messages. –TORCHWOOD_

_2 Unread messages- Jack Harkness_

Ianto would check them when he was stationary. He was too busy beating himself up right now.

When he finally emerged through the cog door, bound in black skinny jeans, a black tight T-shirt and vans and most importantly, glasses, 4 pairs of eyes looked straight at him.

Jack walked over to him from his office.

"Ianto, you okay?"

"Yeah... sorry guys, slept in late... I will put on some coffee..."

As Ianto put down his bag and headed to the small kitchen Jack and Owen shared a look, Owen nodded and followed Ianto.

"Hey mate..."

"What do you want Owen? I told you I'm doing the coffee..."

"No, it's not that... you slept in?"

"Yeah so..."

"You never sleep Ianto, not for longer than a few hours, not even with pills, we tried them all,"

"I just did okay, we have had a long week, I'm just tired, my body couldn't not sleep,"

"I'm not having a go Ianto, just wanted to check it wasn't anything else?"

Ianto turned to face him.

"Like what Owen?"

"Well I know tings have been tough on you this past few weeks, what with Beacons and everything,"

Ianto visibly flinched.

"I'm fine Owen, just forget it..."

Ianto handed him his coffee and set out to find the others. He walked back into the main hub and handed coffees to Toshiko and Gwen.

"Sorry about the wait,"

He said to Gwen as Owen walked back to sit as his desk

"Don't worry about it pet, thank you,"

Ianto nodded then took the remaining coffee cup to Jack in his office.

"Ianto Jones!"

"Sir,"

"That for me?"

"The coffee? Yes sir,"

"Thank you Ianto,"

"Welcome sir, well... If that's all, I will see you later, I'm going to change then head down the archives,"

"Change?"

"Yes, into my suit,"

"Why? I like you like that, those jeans..."

"Are a size too small for me and really ought to be in the bin,"

"I don't agree, they make your but look amazing,"

Ianto blushed and bowed his head slightly.

"Too soon?"

"No... No not too soon, Thank you, I think,"

Jack smiled and went up to face Ianto.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Okay..."

Jack raised his eyebrows.

"Honestly Ianto, when are you gonna open up to me, I thought we got past all of this?"

Ianto smiled shyly at Jack.

"I will see you later... sir..."

Ianto left the room and Jack didn't see him for the rest of the day.

When Ianto finally resurfaced a call had come in about something strange found on a building site. The younger was instructed to stay behind and work communications while the other 4 headed out. It was the start of a very long and emotionally painful week.

Especially for Toshiko.

3 days later

Light seeped into Ianto's living room, if only by a small gap in the curtains, a small figure curled up in a armchair sat near him. She was clad once again in a old jumper of his and a pair of joggers.

"Toshiko..."

"Ianto, I have been meaning to say-"

"No thanks necessary Tosh, you would do the same for me,"

"Of course I would, you're my best mate,"

"You're mine too,"

They shared a small smile.

"Jack called,"

"When?"

"While you were sleeping,"

"What did you tell him?"

"That you didn't want to talk,"

"Then what?"

"He asked what I was wearing,"

Tosh laughed for the first time in a long while and grinned at Ianto.

"Are you two...?"

"Not as of yet, he said it was up to me... how fast things go... I just don't think I'm ready just yet,"

Tosh nodded in understanding and sipped her beer.

"I wasn't going to thank you before you know, I mean obviously I am thanking you, for everything, for letting me stay here, for everything... but that wasn't what I was going to say then,"

Ianto looked up at her, confused.

"I heard what you were thinking Ianto..."

"What? When?"

"While you were making coffee..._ my stomach is full of rats..._"

Ianto stood up and made some excuse about more beer, but Tosh caught his hand.

"Ianto... are you really okay?"

Ianto looked at his best friend and suddenly tears filled his eyes. He couldn't talk, so a simple shake of his head did the trick. Tosh led him to the sofa where they had cuddled after the cannibals and set him down. She softly hugged him and cooed him until the tears were gone, they talked until the early hours of the morning, each in turn about relationships, pain, lost love, family, torchwood...

And of the course the mean hand the world had dealt them. At least the universe had got one thing right... It put them together...

OooOoOoOOo

Reviews make me smile!


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